NO Trespassing: Skullfucker didn’t like to leave the mausoleum. Hardly ever did…
Skullfucker didn’t like to leave the mausoleum.
Hardly ever did anything good happen when he ventured out for any reason that wasn’t an assignment. His nights out on the town were when he had a victim to attend to, severing limbs and hearing screams were his equivalents to dancing in clubs to…
From the kitchen, Peacock-butt could hear the motorcycle revving up outside. Not much passed through her head as she stirred a batter-like concoction in a large bowl. Butler had gone off to get more cleaning supplies, for there had been a few baking explosions already this afternoon. The sound distanced itself quickly from the mausoleum and left everything quiet once more. Peacock-butt continued her baking for a few more moments before she was struck by sudden realization.
Oh shit, oh fuck. It was, like, three in the afternoon. Skullfucker probably wasn’t even awake yet. Dear god, someone found us and stole the bike. Or something. He is going to be so pissed.
The peacock girl left her bowl on the counter and started to rush out of the kitchen, heading for the exit. She stopped herself from getting too far down the hallway. Confrontations were high up on her list of things to avoid and the culprit was far enough away by now that there was no hope in catching up. She really needed to invest in some better mode of transportation.
Well, fuck. She turned around, staring at the hallway leading the way to the Skullfucker’s room. Waking him up with bad news was another thing high on her list of things to avoid. She wasn’t really sure what else to do, though.
Passing the staircase, she entered the cleaning room and saw the door that blended in with the simple wall paper lining the wall. The only indication that there was even a door was the faint outline of torn paper and wall. She stood in front of it, wringing her hands for a few minutes before giving a gentle knock.
“Vinny?” She called and received no reply. She knocked a little louder. “Hey, dude, you know that motorcycle you have? Well, i think someone might have just stolen it? Or something. And I don’t know what to do. So you should wake up.”
She waited a few moments, still not hearing anything from the room beyond. She pushed on the section of wall, revealing the room within. It was dark and had minimal decorations other than a few coffins. And skulls. Skulls fucking everywhere. There was a large unmade bed lodged in a corner of the room. She stepped forward, tripping over a few skulls but luckily not causing any damage.
“Dude?” She whispered and poked at the bed sheets. Still no reply. She pulled gently at some of them until the mass of blankets untangled complete to show an empty bed. Her stomach dropped and panic started settling in. If there was some bastard that could manage to break in and take the Skullfucker down, god damn she was fucked.
Vinegar, Orange Glo, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Still not enough. That girl basically made a small pastry bomb in the kitchen. It went EVERYWHERE. All over the table, inside the oven, all over the walls and ceiling. The security desk. And she was just the cake! Flour. Need more flour. She’s going to end up burning the damn place down if she keeps blowing her confectionery treats up. Oh that mess. It was eve-what? A ringing? He didn’t take his phone with him today, why was he hearing a ringing. That’s right! His pager!
Looking at his pager, Butler noticed it was from Peacock, using the distress number. ”I swear, if that girl set the place on fire.” No time to pay. Just as well, this store didn’t have the brand of paprika he likes.
He quickly loaded the things in his Dusenberg, his personal car, and headed back to the Mausoleum. Something had to really be wrong. She wouldn’t contact The Butler unless Skullfucker wasn’t available. And it’s not even 4 in the evening yet. The sun is still out! Deciding time was of the essence, The Butler sped back to the Mausoleum.
Now that The Skullfucker was nearing town, he became aware that he wasn’t all that sure where he was going, what he was looking for, or any clue where to start looking. His knowledge of people in the past had consisted of work schedules, weaknesses, and addresses, but never likes. He and Peacock-butt had been friends and spent time around each other before, but that didn’t mean he knew what to get her for something like Valentine’s Day. He had never celebrated Valentines Day with another human being before, especially not an individual as different and complicated as a female. He was afraid of looking as cold and insensitive as he suspected he truly was sometimes.
Skullfucker had never spent a Valentine’s Day without, well, having his dick in the eye socket of a skull. Not that this varied how he spent the rest of his days anyway, and for the most part he had allowed Valentines Day to go unmarked because it was a holiday for the living; sometimes he wasn’t so sure he fit that category, so he kept with his hobbies at his own leisure instead of letting any kind of outside influence change him.
But now he would be having dinner with his favorite member of those that consisted of flesh, his pants securely at his waist, talking and laughing and celebrating a holiday for the jovial. It would be quite the different experience, that’s for sure. He couldn’t help but feel hesitantly grateful for her breaking this monotonous, although undeniably enjoyable, cycle. Different could be good. And he wanted to get something to make her happy, fit some kind of societal norm of Valentine’s Day presents, and thank her for throwing an interesting twist into his life.
The mall. As much as he was begrudging to go to possibly the most populated place he could manage, the fact that he was virtually clueless as to what he was looking for meant he needed a lot of options. Where he could walk through and just look and hope beyond all logic that he could see something and it magically strike him as a good idea.
Pulling the Ducati into the parking lot, he could already feel his heart sink. It was fucking packed. This would not be anywhere near easy, and there was no way he would come out of this unscathed physically and mentally. It would be like throwing a rabbit into a lion pit. Skullfucker had never felt like a bunny in anything more than name, and he didn’t look forward to it. A small pang of determination resonated within him, however, and if he could take down multiple people for their skulls and get away scott-free for the sake of obtaining their skulls, he could sure as hell deal with multiple people for a few hours to see Peacock-butt smile.
It would be worth it. Skullfucker took a deep breath and walked through the double doors.
Mare lady peeked through isles of books, looking for something that could possibly match the topic of her interest. She had been looking for a seasonal offering to one of the cutest bishonen she had ever laid her eyes upon, but quickly became distracted by her favourite section of the bookstore- the B’s. Baracudas, Bees, Bungee Jumping…. She could tell her prey was near. She was almost ready to— Then, she saw something that she would have never imagined.
She rubbed her eyes, unbelieving. There would be positively no way that HE was anywhere near this place. Let alone in the daylight..?
And yet, there he was. Looking socially awkward and horrifyingly confused and… alone? How strange.
“Neigh, neigh, skullfu— um… Mister Fucker!! Over here!!” she whinnied jauntily, waving her hooves at him in an attempt to gain his attention.